I’ve been feeling sad, lonely and down on and off for the last couple of days. I’ve been letting myself lay in bed in the mornings just a little bit longer. I’ve been putting my hand on my heart and my womb, breathing into the areas that are tender and hurt, and giving them my own love and attention. I’ve been being a loving mother to myself and letting myself feel the sadness and the aching, and letting myself cry when tears come.
I’ve been running, stretching, taking baths and this morning I felt drawn to put on a sexy dress and dance in front of the mirror, taking delight in myself. Just because I felt like it. I’ve been following the moment-to-moment whispers and movements of my heart and body. I’m not exactly sure what these feelings are about – I’ve been missing my friends, community, family, having a Beloved by my side. It could be that and it could simply be rhythms and cycles of feelings that come and go, like everything else in life. I try not to give these feelings too much meaning or storyline, and instead feel them, instead allow the story to emerge on its own, in its own time. I used to think when these feelings of sadness, heartache and longing came that it meant there was something wrong, there was something I needed to fix or change. I used to think that it wasn’t okay to simply have feelings and feel them, that there was always a deeper storyline or wounded part that was needing to be healed.
Now, I know that the emergence of hard feelings is not always about something deep-seated and old. I also know that it’s not about blasting through something to get to the core of the discontent and feelings. I know that it is about being with whatever is coming up with gentleness, love, tenderness and compassion. The healing, the transformation, the freedom is in the NOW. We are feeling whatever we are feeling now. In this present moment. We have deep and painful feelings about things that are happening right now in our lives. We are human. We have deep and painful feelings about all sorts of things. Clearly, there are many reasons in our world to have hard feelings. And, we don’t always know what those feelings are about. And, even about things that have been with us for a long time that doesn’t always mean we still need to heal the past.
So if you’re feeling tender, sad, scared, pained, you’re not alone. I get it and there’s nothing wrong with your feelings. There’s nothing wrong with you. You are perfect and amazing just the way you are. <3