Looking lovingly into my eyes, my new love says to me, “I’m glad you had a marketing problem.”
I’ve been struggling with a marketing problem for my business so for a second I think he is talking about that.
But, he is referring to my marketing problem with men.
This gets me thinking…
For years, I struggled to attract men who were a good fit for me. Who appreciated me as I was. Who loved and in fact wanted my unique medicine. I have many amazing strengths and gifts as a human and in relationship, but I am not your garden variety woman. I used to joke that I was for a very specific palette.
It happened for so many years that I began believing that there was something wrong with the way I inherently was. This translated over time into the belief that there was something wrong with me.
This led me search far and wide for the reasons (of which there were many) that I was not in a relationship. I searched in all things healing, spiritual and coaching-related, spending thousands of dollars on “solving” my problem.
Finally, I stopped the search and was completely and fully me, which meant no longer being with men who were not 100% available for the kind of relationship that would work for me. Only being available to men who value and love me for who I am, my unique way of being.
I stopped trying to hold myself “right” when I was having hard feelings related to my singleness and instead simply held myself as I needed in the moment because I was in pain, heartbroken and pissed and those parts wanted my love and attention.
I stopped making myself wrong and stopped internalizing all the hundreds of reasons that others (i.e. love and relationship coaches, spiritual circles) have for people not being in relationship.
There’s not an inherent problem with what these people are offering.
They believe in it because it has worked for them.
It didn’t work for me because it wasn’t a 100% fit for me.
I solved that marketing problem by being exactly who I am and being in 100% alignment and integrity with what is true for me.
And, then without even knowing it, because I have never encountered this problem in my work life before, I entered into another marketing problem.
That of me being a coach and healer in the online coaching world.
Though I was a very successful therapist for many years, the truth is I have not been very successful ‘marketing’ myself as a coach in this online medium.
In spite of feeling 100 percent confident in the deep healing and transformational work I do,
helping hundreds of people in my career heal and upgrade their lives in amazing ways.
being bright and able to track and learn what works in this online forum and integrating it into my offerings,
working with various high-end business coaches whose methods are gold,
the truth is that these processes did not feel like me, were not enjoyable and easeful and therefore were not leading me to the amazing fit clients that I have worked with in the past.
So, what did I learn from this? (and hopefully other coaches out there struggling in similar ways).
Like my past relationship marketing problem, I somehow unconsciously started this endeavor, thinking there was a “right” way to do it and that I didn’t know what it was.
Early on, I began seeking outward and learning from what I saw around me. I believed that I needed to employ others’ methods that have been successful.
I thought I genuinely needed to learn to write in a certain ‘marketable” way, get leads in certain ways and do certain things in a sales process.
When I set my mind to something, I work hard and see it through so I was working harder than I have in my entire career (besides being in grad school and internships). Perhaps part of the problem, working and trying more than my natural rhythms and propensities thrive off of.
All of these attempts seem smart and reasonable, right?
The problem is that these methods were not in 100% alignment for me and how I work.
And, since I was still being me in many ways, I didn’t even notice the old habit of “not trusting self” coming back in.
I so badly wanted to believe that everything I was doing would create my business.
Interestingly, in the midst of this, unrelated to my business, I wrote the most vulnerable and scary post about all my hard feelings about being single for so many years, and this post elicited more energy than any post I’d ever written. And there were women who came to me as potential clients because of this post.
Because I was being fully me – relatable, raw, vulnerable, accepting of chronically struggling with something and feeling pissed, hurt and ashamed by it.
If I am not in 100% alignment with something in my being, it will not happen for me.
That’s just how my life works.
And, thank goodness it does, because I don’t get away with anything, until it is the right thing for me,
until the clients who are a true fit for the work I do come and we absolutely adore working together,
until the perfect man for me shows up and is 100% ready, adoring and devoted to me.
I am learning it is worth being fully and 100 percent me and it is all worth the wait.
I am not a relationship or business coach so this post is not going to end by me inviting you to work with me in those capacities, though I could probably help you.
However, if you are looking to work with a coach and healer who is real and raw af and can support you to be 100 percent yourself and from there create an amazing life that you will be crazy about because you are now being fully and unapologetically YOU
And, you want to work with someone who can take you deep into all the little and big places of trauma, wounding and ongoing struggles you face and come out the other side, healed and accepting and having YOU.