A friend says to me that relationship involves sacrifice and obligation, that it involves specific roles for the relationship to work smoothly. This doesn’t sit right because it’s counter to how I live life. There is a way I have done life and supported clients for so long that is innate to me that is different than the normal conditioning we receive about intimacy, relationship and morality. And, this way of doing things is another slant on what it means to be truly free.

We are free to stay connected to ourselves and our truth moment by moment. We are always free to have the particular feelings, needs and wants that we have. Regardless if others hear them or meet them, they are ours and this means they are precious and true. When the person we are asking says no, we are free to go to another person and ask them to meet the same needs. When no one is available to meet them, we are free to decide how we want to meet our own needs and care for ourselves.

We are free to ask for closeness and connection. We are free to take space. When what we want from life or others doesn’t match up to our desires or expectations, of course, we may feel hard feelings. We have choice if and how we will connect to those feelings. Even if we choose to do something we don’t really want to do (because we want to meet the needs of the whole or for any other reason), we are choosing this.

This particular truth will save us a lot of misery, resentment, guilt and shame.

If we are in touch with how we truly feel about something, even if we make a decision that goes against that, we will feel empowered, because we are making a conscious choice. We are aware we are choosing. We are free to stay in relationship. We are free to go. Again, sometimes those decisions can be challenging and we are at choice to make them.

This does not mean life is always fair or that some people don’t have more privilege and opportunities than others.

I am talking about an internal freedom here.