Subtly or not so subtly, most of us learned as children to play a role of who we think we need to be. We learned to split off parts of ourselves in order to be loved, chosen and to belong. Not getting these when we are young is a threat to our actual survival, it is a psychic and (in some cases) literal death. The more severe the childhood environment, the more severe the splitting off, the more severe the swallowing of a role or idea of who we think we need to be in order to be loved, succeed and get through life.
The more insidious the story and internalization that “I need to be (fill in the blank) to be loved, that I need this to survive, that I am not truly free.
But, as adults, we are free. We are free to let go of the story, we are free to heal, we are free to change the relationship to our past and live now as free and empowered beings.
But, it takes healing our conditioning, trauma and wounding to be able to experience that freedom. Being truthful with ourselves is the first step in healing and shifting this so we can enjoy our freedom. It is only from that place of truth that we can truly care about others, rather than be living a lie to get what you want – security, love, belonging, which means we cause harm.
It is only from that place of truth and alignment in who are that we can feel and know ourselves fully. And it is only from being 100 percent in touch with our feelings, being brutally honest with ourselves moment to moment that we are able to feel true inner security. It is from this place of truth and alignment with self that we are able to feel intimate and open to the whole of life, regardless of what we are feeling and our circumstances.
This is true heart, security and freedom.