Life not working out how I wanted or imagined has been a life-changing blessing and has created the deepest openings for me. Of course, I didn’t see it that way when it started and believed I was failing or life was making a mistake. I had expectations and hopes and a sense that things would flow smoothly, especially in work and money because they had before. That was my story, the reason I gave for why it should happen a certain way, you can plug in your own.
Life simply doesn’t happen the ways we imagine or want them to, and what a relief that is, because, as I am finding they often happen in ways beyond what my mind could ever dream up, especially through challenges and tribulations – those are the juiciest and most potent to rewire our limited concepts and allow for powerful expansion and new growths: deep and lasting transformation of who we think we are into who we truly are!
I am learning how to simply follow the flowing river of my aliveness and inspiration as she moves me. I am learning to slow way fucking down and enjoy the moment, the process, the unfolding movement of NOW.
This is leading to a major letting go in my heart, mind and body. There is so much more flow and a radical openness into the cross-section of existence, of awareness itself, of the beauty and tenderness of this very moment. Humbleness is beginning to grow where arrogance and entitlement once lived. The erroneous beliefs, big or small, that if I work harder or employ the right method are beginning to dissolve into this open NOW.
I am experiencing an opening in heart and body of the appreciation for the moment that’s growing daily. I am deeply in touch with all the little and daily celebrations of my life. I am learning how to be a true learner who can try new things and take risks, which sometimes work out fabulously and are sometimes total failures. In either scenario, I feel free!
I no longer think I’m in control. I no longer want control. This is penetrating me at a very deep level right now. I no longer want to make things happen with force, which leads to the shut down of my particular nervous system and body because that’s just not how I tick.
I have stopped caring what I create and am enjoying the moment, experience and process. I feel successful and happy often because I am being me, in my flow, in my inherent Lori-ness. I notice that I feel just as good, whole and complete when my work is thriving and money is flowing as I do when it is not. What a profound relief! I can feel free at any moment; not only when I hit that sweet spot in my writing; not only when my soulmate client chooses to work with me; not only when my body feels fit and thin.
No more “Why me?,” “Why not me?” or “Poor me,” which in my case is a fucking miracle because this was an ongoing internal narrative for YEARS (I suffered and was extremely angry about how much I suffered). Now it’s, “Yay me” and “Yay life doing its thing!”
This experience of not getting what I want is slowly carving away at my narcissism and omnipotence, that sense that I am in control and doing something to make shit happen.
I don’t need you to want to work with me. If you want to, you will. If you don’t, you won’t. I don’t need you to be drawn to my writing. If you’re drawn to it, you’ll like it. If you don’t, you wont.
What business of that is mine? I don’t need your acceptance or approval. I don’t actually need my own approval, in other words, my likes or dislikes, my hopes or expectations. I only need to show up to each moment and meet it. I only need to trust and enjoy the flow of being me, me being me and doing me. You being you and doing you. We both win. And, life continues to unfold with relaxation and ease, And in the place of life’s flow, we may meet.
That said, I also believe that everything I judge, dislike or push away in you is there for me to meet, as I step more into this freedom to let life do its thing and me doing my thing, I am learning to take full responsibility for whatever is showing up in my field. It is becoming easy and natural to do so.