I am woman who experienced severe depression since I was a small child. After YEARS of therapy, somatic and trauma healing, spiritual practice and embodiment practices, I have healed this in myself.
The imprint can still come up and yet I can lean more deeply into the feelings as they occur in the body. I can let go of the stories that want to weave themselves in the mind and get underneath to the core of the truth of what is wanting to be felt and known.
This is true freedom.
And, this is a freedom I have helped many women reclaim, healing long-standing depression in this lifetime and from their female lineage. This is the work of soul, body and heart reclamation.
Depression has a lot to tell us as women, she is screaming at us to wake up to the truth of our emotions and experiences, of who we truly are. Let’s understand her more deeply and bow down to her wisdom!
Depression is caused by closing off to your feelings. Depression is the inability to feel what is calling to be felt in each moment.
Depression is caused by not feeling the inevitable grief and heartbreak of being human in a changing body and mind and in a tender-hearted, pained world.
Depression is caused by living in your head rather than your body. If you are not inhabiting your body fully, you are not feeling all of your feelings either.
Depression also comes from living a life that is based on conditioning and programming rather than by being who you truly are. It comes from creating a life based on others expectations and ideals rather than you own. It comes from doing things in life that don’t feel like you; it could be a job that doesn’t light you up, a relationship that is out of alignment with your soul, a mode of operating that’s simply not true for you.
Depression comes from not trusting yourself, from doubting your true feelings and wants.
Depression comes from placing your sense of worth outside of yourself, i.e. I am only worthy if I am in a romantic relationship, if I have this kind of job, if I am confident, sensitive or loving all the time. Self-worth that is not intrinsic births shame, guilt and self-hatred which can further feed depression if not looked at and processed.
It is not your fault. As girls, we learn all sorts of protective mechanisms to not feel and split off from parts that are unacceptable to our parents and our world. We learn to stifle, avoid and shut down to the barrage of feelings we experience. We learn a bunch of bs conditioning that keeps us sourcing our worth and power outside of ourselves. We learn not to trust our feminine knowing and intuition.
The opposite of depression is the capacity to feel fully, to be in your body, to connect intimately and sensitively to ourselves and this world.
First and foremost, curing depression requires learning how to feel everything, which means learning how to fully be in your body. This can be a painful process as you begin to enter into and thaw out places that have been asleep, hidden and split off, all of which likely happened in your childhood as ways to fit into, feel safe and protect yourself in the relational environment.
Curing depression also requires opening ourselves to the inevitable heartache and grief of being human and all that is happening in ourselves and the world. Again, if we did not learn how to feel and how to move through and grieve every human developmental stage (beginning in infancy), we will struggle to open to loss and grief and therefore experience a stifling or shutdown of emotion, namely depression.
Learning to enter your body and FEEL requires intricate somatic and trauma work that allows you to feel safe to feel again. This work requires moving slow, learning your specific nervous system and rewiring your nervous system, all of which can rarely be learned alone. It is important to have a skilled guide supporting this powerful and life-changing work.
Once you begin feeling, healing and reclaiming all the parts of yourself that have remained in the shadows, you can begin the process of truly knowing yourself, knowing what you like, what you want, what lights you up. You can begin the process of claiming your true power, sovereignty and worthiness and living life on your own terms.
November 4, 2019