The Precious Unknown Dance of Life

So much feels uncertain and unknown as I walk the road ahead, in my life and in my body. I wake up almost every day with some kind of terror, depression, sadness and grief. Stories of survival, loss and terror weave themselves in my mind. These feelings and stories are like an infectious disease that spread vast and wide, clearly much bigger than the actual reality of each moment of life as it unfolds. They present themselves as the story of “me,” very personal and yet I know as an extremely sensitive and empathic being, I am also feeling and processing my ancestral lineage and the collective trauma. When I wake up out of this haze, land in the moment and simply feel the energy move through my body, I am freed into the only moment there is now.

I am also freed in the moments of truth and connection shared with other humans. I am cracked open by this shared human experience of love, loss, beauty and challenge.

I connect with a new friend who is living with brain cancer. He not only speaks of the beauty and freedom to BE that he has discovered in his journey, but simply conversing with him and being in his presence feels like a dance with consciousness. Everytime I am in his presence, I am moved and the story and feelings identified with “me” release into the love that is now.

A woman, with whom I shared a beautiful dance, approaches me after dance to let me know she would like to come to my Authentic Movement class. She is in her mid-40’s and has a 10-year old daughter. She shares she has Parkinsons and her shaking is worse at night and so she will try her best to get there. She says this with such matter of factness. My heart blasts open and my personal narrative is subsumed in the crack of this openness.

After writing a very raw and vulnerable post and having cried for a long time, I feel raw and out of it. I get out of the car at a concert and in the car next to me is a woman I am acquainted with. She looks me in the eye and says some potent and beautiful words about my post. In her words and gaze, I feel seen and cared for and the story of “me” is subsumed into the tender presence of this shared moment.

I work with clients struggling with chronic feelings of depression and suicidal feelings. I work with clients with chronic relational and developmental trauma. I work with clients who have unknown illnesses. I work with clients with chronic illnesses. We sit in the truth of the unknown unfolding of their journeys. We sit with their rage, terror and grief. I help them to open to their experience and feelings with courage and honesty. We follow their somatic and emotional experience into the truth that it reveals, often leading us to their core attachment wounds that formed the basis of their identity and nervous system. We bring love, tenderness and compassion there and stuck places and long-standing blocks move and release. I help them learn their particular nervous system so they can feel more empowered to find ground and resource amidst the pain, heartache and challenge. As I sit in the presence of these courageous and loving humans, I open deeper to the truth and my capacity to feel and open widens. And I, too, am healed.

In all of these experiences of true meeting and contact, I am opened and freed into the present moment of life, a deep and abiding cross-section of radical openness into the beauty, love and aliveness that is found in the NOW.